The Difference Between Grief and Depression
When grieving people feel sad we often say that they are depressed, but the sadness from grief
is not the same as the sadness of depression because grief is not an illness. Grief is the emotional, psychological, physical
and spiritual pain we feel when a person close to us dies. It is a normal human reaction caused by our love and attachment
to the deceased loved one. Sadness is an expected part of grief and it is a natural response following the loss.
Depression is a treatable illness and one of several common mood disorders marked by loss of interest or pleasure in living,
decreased self-esteem, shame, feelings of hopelessness and despair. Many people suffering from depression cannot imagine ever
feeling better. The mood disturbance in depression is pervasive and unremitting and any positive mood fluctuation is usually
minor without treatment intervention.
Shame and guilt are common in depression. When they occur in grief they
often involve feelings of not having done enough for the deceased before his or her death, or regret over things said and
done while the person was alive. In depression, the feelings arise from a fundamental belief that one is wicked or worthless.
Persons who have experienced previous depressions are especially at risk for becoming depressed at times of profound
loss. Treating a griever’s clinical depression is a balancing act because sadness is
an appropriate, natural stage of loss and clinical depression is a disorder. As difficult as they are to endure, both sadness
and depression slow us down and take us to deeper places that allow for healing.
Major depression, however,
has the potential to become a medical emergency with risk for suicide. For the most part, grievers do not want to kill themselves,
but the threat of suicide from anyone must be taken seriously. To read more about suicide, please click Thoughts of Suicide During Grief.
In the United States, one in ten men and one in five women will suffer from depression
at some point in their lives. Grief is universal to any person who experiences loss. Depression and grief share many features:
sadness, tearfulness, anger, anxiety, loneliness, social withdrawal, forgetfulness, appetite and weight changes and poor sleep.
Grievers can also lose interest or pleasure in living, and cannot imagine ever feeling better because life is unbearable;
but the mood fluctuations come in waves washing over the griever and the dark moods respond to empathy, support, and most
of all, the passage of time. Even in deep raw grief, moments of happy reminiscences are possible.
intensely painful and sad, moves us towards learning how to live without our loved one in a forever-changed world. The reactive
depression of prolonged grief, however, is a destructive "stuck place" that causes us even more pain because we
cannot move forward.
Friends and family often react to sadness by avoidance or becoming eternal cheerleaders because
most people cannot tolerate melancholia for extended periods of time. Seek out those few who can sit with you without telling
you to cheer up or get on with your life.
Grief has no timetable and no absolutes. Grief may be universal, but
we all grieve in our own way. How bad do we have to feel before we seek outside help? There are moments in all our lives when
we can benefit from professional counseling but only you can decide: How sad is sad?
From HelpGuide.org: Depression in Older Adults. Includes the differences between depression, grief and dementia with practical sugesstions for helping your
you have clinical depression or bipolar disorder:
· Stay on your medication(s).
· Try to get regular sleep and eat balanced
· Participate in psychotherapy if you can afford it.
· Become involved with a support group.
· Read and learn about your illness.
· When seeing your doctor, never assume competence until it is
· Compile a list of questions before any appointment. Question
(*)From BP Magazine: Hope and Harmony for People with Bipolar, “Kay Redfield Jamison:
A Profile in Courage,” by Jacqueline L. Salmon, Winter, 2009, page 30.
Mental Health Resources:
Information and Toll-free Helplines
Mental Health Association: www.nmha.org, 1-800-969- 6642
of Mental Health: www.nimh.nih.gov, 1-866- 615-6464
National Alliance on Mental Illness:
www.nami.org, 1 (800) 950-NAMI (6264)
information source for this article: Kaplan and Sadock’s Synopsis of Psychiatry. Ninth Edition, Philadelphia,
PA: Lippincott Williams and Wilkins, 2003, pg. 63.
The information presented here is general and is not intended
as medical advice. Please get professional guidance if you need it.
Go to next page:
Loving in Separation
can’t I find a page or link that used to be here?
Over the last ten years, The Grieving Heart® meandered
into many topics and lost its purpose. I have deleted 40 pages to bring it back to the original focus of grief and helping
Web addresses come and go and I cannot guarantee the accuracy, safety or longevity of third-party (external) sites.
Adding links by request, or finding and fixing broken links are massive time consumers, so I have deleted many outside sources
and will limit additions in the future. The external links that remain are checked on a regular basis and related to
grief, helping grievers and pet loss.
will continue to honor and remember veterans and fallen soldiers because it is the least I can do for those who have
given so much.
I hope that my renewed attention
to grief information will make The Grieving Heart® a better experience and comfort for you. Thank you for visiting. CJ
A Word About E-mail: One way to decrease SPAM e-mail caused by Internet bots is to deactivate the live address link. You can still contact
me by copying and pasting this address into your own e-mail program.
Note to Visitors:
I read and
respond to grief email at the end of each month when I update this site. If you need a more timely response, please visit
a well moderated grief healing discussion group. It is free to use and requires registration to participate. I am not part of this group, but certified
grief counselors are there to help, support and comfort grievers and those who love them. Because the
counselors lost funding for the site, they are grateful for voluntary donations.
Why no links to Facebook and other social media? Click here for the answer.
How complicated and individual mending is, the time required for healing
cannot be measured against any fixed calendar. Mary Jane Moffat
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