www.thegrievingheart.info

All the Wrong Places

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The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
James A. Garfield, 20th US President 


On a page titled After the Shock, I wrote that in the midst of grief, we wonder how it will ever become less intense. This is why it is important to consider support from others we trust. People who care about us want to help us.

The key phrases are support from others we trust and people who care about us. I live in a large city where no one knows me. Most of the time I like the anonymity, but anonymity has its drawbacks: sometimes I feel alone in a crowd. When I was new to grief, I mentioned my mother's death to people I didn't know, usually in the context of buying goods and services. I never expected the unkindness of strangers.

I have an online friend who is also an advanced practice RN and a grief counselor. Her web site Grief Healing
 is a precious resource to me. I had an especially painful interaction with a shop clerk. I wrote Marty for a reality check on why I was so sensitive to the insensitivity of others. I share part of her compassionate response:

You ask if it is common to get this type of reaction from a stranger, and all I can say is that, when you disclose your loss to any stranger, you run the risk of exposing yourself to the insensitivity of another, or to one who's never experienced loss, or in this case, to what may have been the raw emotions of another grieving person...Still, I don't think there is any way to immunize yourself against the insensitivity of others.

My prayer for you is that eventually the rawness and vulnerability you're feeling now will ease, and the day will come when the thoughtless, trivializing comments of such insensitive others will not hurt as much.

In the meantime, know that your deep sense of loss is a natural response to the death of your precious parents, whatever their age or however old you are. Your grief is a manifestation of your attachment and your love, and you don't have to explain that to anyone, stranger or otherwise.

Marty's response helped me understand that I was looking for love in all the wrong places. When we are grieving, we put ourselves at great emotional risk when we tell a stranger about our deep personal loss. Grief makes us vulnerable to the insensitivity of others.

To be fair, some people responded with "Sorry for your loss," but we never know the life experiences of another. Sometimes we get blasted. To decrease your risk of hurting even more from the unkindness of strangers, please share your grief with those you trust and those who care about you.
 

 

Go to next page: Fair Weather Friends


  December 2017
 

 
Remember Honor Teach
Patriot Par: Give a wreath, donate a wreath
wreathsacrossamerica.org

 


 

Why can’t I find a page or link that used to be here?

Over the last nine years, The Grieving Heart® meandered into many topics and lost its purpose. I have deleted 40 pages to bring it back to the original focus of grief and helping grievers.

Web addresses come and go and I cannot guarantee the accuracy, safety or longevity of third-party (external) sites. Adding links by request, or finding and fixing broken links are massive time consumers, so I have deleted many outside sources and will limit additions in the future. The external links that remain are checked on a regular basis and related to grief, helping grievers and pet loss. 

I will continue to honor and remember veterans and fallen soldiers because it is the least I can do for those who have given so much.

I hope that my renewed attention to grief information will make The Grieving Heart® a better experience and comfort for you. Thank you for visiting. CJ

 


 

 My E-mail:

Christine@thegrievingheart.info 

A Word About E-mail: One way to decrease SPAM e-mail caused by Internet bots is to deactivate the live address link. You can still contact me by copying and pasting this address into your own e-mail program. Thank you.

 
Note to Visitors:
 
I read and respond to grief email at the end of each month when I update this site. If you need a more timely response, please visit a well moderated grief healing discussion group. It is free to use and requires registration to participate. I am not part of this group, but certified grief counselors are there to help, support and comfort grievers and those who love them. Because the counselors lost funding for the site, they are grateful for voluntary donations.
 
 
Why no links to Facebook and other social media? Click here for the answer.   
 
 

 
 
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How complicated and individual mending is, the time required for healing
cannot be measured against any fixed calendar
. Mary Jane Moffat
 
© Copyright 2008 - 2017 Christine Jette. All rights reserved.