How to Help Others
If you wish me to weep, you yourself must first feel grief. Horace
books on this page emphasize learning how to help grieving friends or loved ones. There are many books available now about helping grievers. If nothing here
speaks to you, please expand your search at large online bookstores.
1. Barfield, Dana. My Friend Just Lost Her Husband. TBG Publishing, LLC, 2010.
Edited Product Description:
The loss of her husband has been described as the most difficult thing a woman ever encounters because what was once
a source of security, has disappeared into a sense of profound uncertainty. My Friend Just Lost Her Husband provides
the tools necessary to rebuild the sense of sustained security that women intrinsically seek. Written as the result of Dana
Barfield's years of experience in providing financial advice and management for widows and divorcees, it combines these
first-hand shared and observed experiences, with extensive interviews from other women who have rebuilt their lives after
the loss of their mate.
My Friend Just Lost Her Husband
is unique because it the first financial book to consider topics, though seemingly unrelated to finance, that forcefully impact
financial decision making: Changes to her thinking as a result of the loss; how her grieving affects her decision making;
who is a trustworthy friend; how and why that friend must help at this time; criteria for obtaining the right financial advice;
how and why women find themselves involved in a financial or relational horror story; and dealing with taxes, health insurance
In clear and simple language, Barfield describes
the need for a benevolent friend and guide who has only the well-being of the surviving spouse and family in mind. The
author has the moral investment experience to offer solid guidance, encouragement and wise support. He understands the emotional
shock and crisis of the sudden death of a spouse, with insight into the issues of vulnerability. Barfield offers safeguards
that protect the new widow from the greedy, clever and persuasive offers of help from persons intent on diverting assets from
the spouse [and family] into their own accounts through deception.
2. Callahan, Maggie and Patricia Kelley. Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying. New York: Bantam Books, 1992, 1997.
Written by two hospice nurses, this warm and reassuring book offers
compassionate stories of people at the edge of life. When someone we love is dying, it is hard to know what to do or say,
but the dying themselves can supply the answers if we are more aware of the special communication.
stories, readers come to appreciate the ways in which the dying communicate their needs, reveal their feelings, describe their
glimpses of life on the other side, and even plan for their time of death. Readers gain new insight into the leave-taking
process and discover the gifts of wisdom, faith and love that the dying leave for us to share.
I found the following
passage especially comforting. I hope you do, too: "The most important thing to remember when a dying person sees someone
invisible to you is that death is not lonely. Many people fear that they, or someone they love, will die alone. In fact, what
the stories tell us is that they didn't die alone and neither will we. Those who have died before us, or some spiritual beings,
will be companions on our journey." Quoted from page 97.
3. James, John
W., et.al., When Children Grieve, Harper Collins Publishers, 2002.
From the Publisher:
To watch a child grieve and not know what to do is a profoundly difficult experience for parents, teachers, and caregivers.
Yet, there are guidelines for helping children develop a lifelong, healthy response to loss.
In When Children Grieve, the authors offer a cutting-edge volume to free
children from the false idea of "not feeling bad" and to empower them with positive, effective methods of dealing
There are many life experiences that can produce feelings of grief in a child, from the death of a relative, a divorce
in the family, [or the death of a beloved pet], to more everyday experiences such as moving to a new neighborhood or losing
a prized possession. No matter the reason or degree of severity, if a child you love is grieving, the guidelines examined
in this thoughtful book can make a difference.
4. Levang, Elizabeth. When Men Grieve: Why Men Grieve Differently and How You Can Help. Minneapolis, MN: Fairview Press, 1998.
From Fairview Press: Insightful text on the unique character of men's
grief and how they face loss. Includes poetry and strategies for partners, friends, and relatives.
The book contains
personal essays from men about their experience with grief along with the author's own information and observations about
the unique ways men grieve and how they differ from the ways women grieve. Straightforward and well-written, Ms. Levang gives
a candid and honest portrayal of men and grief. A compassionate resource for male mourners and the people who love them. Five-star
reader reviews at online bookstores.
Larry J., Ph.D. A Necessary Grief: Essential Tools for Leadership in Bereavement Ministry, Kregel Ministry, March 2015, Paperback, 176 pages.
Grief is a difficult topic that ministry leaders
deal with on a regular basis. Do they have confidence in helping those who are suffering the loss of a loved one? Do they
feel equipped to meet the differing needs that occur in the life of a survivor? Can they lead someone through a process of
grief reconciliation? Are they able to plan and implement a bereavement ministry in their church or parish? Here is a book
that can help leaders in a practical way to minister to those who are grieving. In addition, they will discover essential
tools to deal with grief s difficult questions.
his thirty years of experience as a pastor and as a professional grief counselor, Dr. Michael provides a valuable resource
for pastors and other grief leaders to use within their churches and organizations, and their surrounding communities. This
work is a practical guide that will bring a greater understanding of the impact that loss has upon individuals and will provide
competent counsel for ministering to them. In addition, it will equip the leader to implement a ministry of grief education
and bereavement within a church or organization.
for grievers and those who minister to grievers. Gets 5-Star reader reviews.
6. Rovere, Amy. Joel Spector (Illustrator) And Still They Bloom: A Family's Journey of Loss and Healing. American Cancer Society, 2012. 48 pages. Ages 9 and up. For parents, children, counselors and anyone wanting to help grieving
7. Wolfelt, Alan D. Healing a Friend's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas for Helping Someone You Love Through Loss. Fort Collins, CO: Companion Press, 2001.
This little book offers 100 fresh ideas for supporting a grieving
friend or family member. Examples of helping include: buying your friend a blank journal, organizing a tree planting in the
loved one's memory, giving a gift certificate to a day spa, and allowing your friend to cry. You can turn to any page and
learn how to help your friend right now, today. Concludes with ten essential qualities of a friend to the bereaved.
8. Worden, J. William. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Professional. Springer Publishing, 4th Edition, 2008.
Below is an Amazon reader review from the third edition that explains why I chose to include this book in my list of books to help others:
passed away suddenly this past January. I was going through so many emotions I thought I was going crazy, so someone suggested
I get grief counseling, but I'm not the group counseling type. Then someone suggested I get a book and I came across this
one and it helped me to understand that everything I was going through was normal. It is amazing how everything in that book
pertained to me and exactly how I was feeling. I still have a ways to go but the craziness of it all has subsided and I can
better deal with things."
So, in a sense, the woman grieving the death of her mother gave herself grief counseling.
If your grieving friend is also not the group counseling type, maybe the book will help you better understand what your friend
is going through. You do not have to be a mental health professional to discover effective ways to help. It is well-written
and easily read.
Angel Catcher: A Journal of Loss and Remembrance by Kathy Eldon. Chronicle Books, 2007, 128 pages.
Product Description: Over the past decade, this classic work
has helped thousands find meaningful ways to overcome the despair of losing a loved one. Now, Angel Catcher has been
revised and updated to convey its powerful message of hope to a new audience. Featuring brand new illustrations and a fresh
updated look, the tasteful pages of this journal guide the user through the process of mourning and onward to a lasting sense
of peace in the face of loss. Written after the author's son was murdered, it makes a thoughtful gift for a grieving friend.
Go to next section: Grief Support Links